Stop these habits before they ruin your life …
Habit 2 ~ (Stop playing the victim and take responsibility for your life)
“Inspired by psychotherapy sessions“

Do you always feel helpless and unable to manage your life?
– Do you believe that luck, chance, fate, or even other people more powerful than you are are the real controllers of your life, and that you are unable to change that?
– Do you constantly blame others as the real cause of your misery?
– Do you sometimes feel that the whole world is against you and that no matter what you do, things will not go well?
– Do you think you are “kind, caring, gentle, calm, sacrificial, loving, …. and that no matter what you do, no one ever appreciates it.

If the answer is “yes” to all or some of the previous questions, then this article was written especially for you, and you will have to take an honest stand with yourself now, stop playing the victim role completely and permanently from this moment on, realize that the world is not against you, and start taking responsibility for what happens to you without looking for “hangers” to hang your past and present mistakes on. I apologize in advance for any negative feelings you may have as a result of reading this article.

Scene 1:
(P) A young man of 31 years old, single, working in a prestigious job, he appears to be well-off, and his deceased father left him a large inheritance of liquid funds, real estate, and psychological contracts as well. -(P): I don’t know why he did this to me, he destroyed me, I am psychologically deformed, I have no friends, no one loves me or knows how to love anyone, I saw nothing but cruelty and hatred from him, I was terrified of his voice, I hated his looks, I wanted to kill him, but he died alone, he died and left me to suffer alone, I hate him, I hate myself and I hate everything around me. -Therapist: Papa has been dead for 15 years! The “bogeyman” in your life has disappeared, the “jailer” has given you the key to the cage, and you are free and in control of your life. However, you are still imprisoned by yourself and still have the boogeyman Joak! -(P): Who can compensate me for everything that happened to me? Who can compensate me for everything that was broken? Who can compensate me for the friends that don’t exist? I still don’t know how to love, there is no one in my life. I’m dead and he’s the reason. Who will make it up to me? -Therapist: Who do you think? -(P): Of course, he’s responsible. -Therapist: But he’s dead. He’s gone. disappeared. You are the one who exists, lives, and is responsible. It’s the easiest thing to do and who can solve it? the one who lives or the one who died? -(P) angrily: He comes out of the soil and deals with the mess he made of me, he comes to talk to me and say, “Why did he do this to me?” He comes to raise me all over again, then who says I’m alive, who says I’m responsible, who says I’m capable?

…….

Scene 2: (L) is a 45-year-old wife, a housewife, a commerce diploma holder, married for 25 years to a prominent doctor, and has 3 children (2 males – 1 female) all at the university level, the husband married another woman and L came to the psychiatric clinic with depression… -(L) in a severe crying fit: “How can I marry Aliya after all these years? I’ve canceled myself for him. Sit at home “yes”, boycott your parents, sisters and all people “yes”, he always made me feel like I was less than him from the day we got married, and I would miss and go back and say to myself that he is the “doctor” and you will not understand like him!He criticized my upbringing and said that he understands more than me, my humble origins and my simple worker father, and I said that he has the right to be a doctor, the son of a doctor, and my parents are as honorable as they are, and then he left me and married someone else, a doctor like him, who travels with him to conferences and attends with him. After 25 years, I endured difficult circumstances with him and for him, I raised his children with the best education, maintained his home and his honor, and accepted my little, and when he grew up, he grew up on me.. Why? -Therapist: But your words say that he was like this for 25 years, not just now. Do you think he wronged you or did you wrong yourself? -(L): No, of course he wronged me, he hurt me, what could I do? I’m a poor woman, asking for a divorce from the first year in a society that doesn’t tolerate it? I had to endure, obviously, I sacrificed a lot, I lost a lot, I’m his victim and the victim of his selfishness and ambition. I’m a victim of society’s prejudice against women, a victim of my father who didn’t honor me in front of my husband’s family, and a victim of my children who blame me now for everything that happened and is still happening, and I can’t bear it anymore, I’m tired.

……

Scene 3: (M), a 50-year-old accountant, suffering from disorders in family, professional and social life, and severe dysfunction in relationships with those around him, came to the clinic complaining of depression and showing obsessive personality traits, he never admits his mistakes, and has the ability to turn the discussion into a pointless argument … -(M): I’m tired of everything around me, no one understands me, everything in the world is wrong, people hate what’s right, people who do things right are called complicated people, the world has turned upside down or what?
-Therapist: Okay, let’s talk more clearly and be more specific, can you give clear examples? There are many examples, at work, everyone treats himself as if he understands and no one understands anything, and no one listens, and in the end they blame me, saying that I do what’s in my head… At home, no one wants to do the right thing, they break the rules and regulations that I set, and then they get angry when I get nervous and say that I’m increasing them, they can’t see that they are wrong, people have become strange, no one listens to advice, even though I want what’s best for them, they get angry, why don’t I know? -Therapist: Why do you assume that you are right and everyone else around you is wrong, can’t you be wrong? It’s possible, but I don’t think so. I know the truth, I know what’s right, I know what’s wrong, but it’s enough that I know it, there has to be a methodology to follow, rules, clear instructions to follow, not everyone’s mind is like that, that’s wrong, and after all I’m older than you by the way and I know right and wrong more than you, with respect to what you studied.

………..

I will limit myself to these three scenes in order to save the reader’s time, although the memory of psychotherapy is replete with many realistic scenes of people who played the role of the victim efficiently, integrated this role within them and believed it, they no longer have the slightest doubt that they are oppressed and oppressed in this cruel and unfair life, they strongly reject the idea that they are responsible for what happened, happens and will happen to them, even if the world is really cruel and those around them are very bad – and we do not deny that – but despite all this they are responsible to some extent for what they suffer, and sometimes the main cause of the suffering. You may be the victim of a cruel father, a domineering mother, an unstable marriage, the machinations of work and the difficulties of life, all of this may be true and much more, but it does not negate your responsibility as an adult for the course of your life, you cannot continue to blame others for everything that does not go your way, you are not an “object” in this life, but a mature, sane, responsible, and “active” person. It’s a fact that you have to recognize whether you like it or not. It makes no sense to remain a prisoner of a reality that ended dozens of years ago, you are an adult now, it is no longer normal to grab your “deceased” father’s cloak and tear it in anger and rage, blaming him for abusing you as a child, now that you are over thirty years old. It is not normal to blame a husband who told you with all his actions from the first moment that he is selfish and only cares about himself, you accepted this situation and did not use your legitimate right to refuse, with your full awareness and will the decision was to continue in a distorted relationship, take your share of responsibility for the results of this decision now with courage and strength, and think about what should happen instead of crying over the ruins, crying over spilled milk will not help, let’s look first how we will clean up this mess. Do not think that the world is against you, in fact, the world does not care about you, my friend, try to accept this fact, and work to correct your mistakes, and purify your relationships from the impurities that have stuck to them as a result of your intellectual rigidity and your constant adoption of the role of the victim, you are not a victim of anyone, and if you really are, you will certainly be a victim of yourself and no one else. I apologize again for the harshness of the article, it is certainly not intended to attack anyone, and it does not mean that I do not feel your pain and sadness when you narrate your tragedy, but I want you to look at the truth, acknowledge reality, take part of the responsibility for what happens to you, and realize that no one will be able to help you if you don’t help yourself first. No one will change your life while you sit in your place and do nothing, only you can do that and no one else, and you will not be able to enter the time machine and go back to the past to change the tragic events that have already happened, this is not available to humanity – at least until now – and therefore it will do you no good to remain imprisoned in the past, between a distorted childhood, sick relationships, and painful situations.

Learn from the experiences, no matter how harsh they are, then let them pass with all the pain and suffering they carry, look to the future with optimism and confidence, and tell yourself that you are still able to change things for the better, correct the course, and achieve gains, no matter how full of losses and mistakes your record is.

Love,
Salma